Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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