she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
