I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
