dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
