maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A bitchslap is in order.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
