Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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