so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
