He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
