I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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