The maid of honor just puked.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
