Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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