I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
