Can Purell be used as lube?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
