$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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