she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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