from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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