The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
