But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
