if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
