Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
