WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
