I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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