Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
