At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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