you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
