do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
