I feel great
I just peed on a car
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I party with great urgency now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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