saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
