I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
should my penis look like a turkey
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
