Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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