I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
