I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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