Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
