I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
