I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was born a porn star she said
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
