Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His hands were made for my vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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