I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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