the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
