i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
