It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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