Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
