there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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