hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
