He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
