I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
