saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
