Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
