I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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