dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
