Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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