I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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