i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
