I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
