if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
